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Hey! Look! I did that!

26 June, 2016

For all I complain about struggling to learn vocabulary, sometimes I surprise myself with the amount I can actually recall!

My latest homework with Svetlana - normally, I will copy the dialogues onto a piece of paper, pronouncing each word as I write it down. Then, I go through and translate. I’ll highlight the ones I need to look up and hit up Google Translate. (Although, truth be told, I’m starting to wonder what’s going on with it. I was in the middle of typing in “fresh air” and it auto completed to fresh prostitutes. WTH?!?!)

I’ve also figured out relatively recently that if given a pause to write down the sentence / question I’m being asked to answer or translate, I can do it quicker. I’m not sure how that’s going to work in Lviv, when I can’t pause to write it down and then respond to it… There’s something magical about the link for me between writing something down and understanding it. It’s the same with hearing music and being able to understand it after reading the lyrics a few times. Anything outside of music or writing and I’m completely screwed.

For as much as I’ve really wanted to dig into both reading the Harry Potter series and working on translating my fan fic, I’ve been stalling. There’s like this paralysing fear that I can’t do either. I know, deep down, that both are excellent things to do outside of my tutoring sessions, but I’m a perfectionist at heart and it leads to SO. MUCH. PROCRASTINATING. I’ve developed work-arounds in other areas of my life, but for whatever reason, I’m fighting this.

I’m also stalling on free-writing. My ideas to respond to story prompts and journal at least a sentence or two daily have also come to a stand-still. I really wish I knew what was wrong with me. We leave for Lviv in a few months (fluent in five months should be totally practical if I stop screwing around) and that’s added some ridiculous pressure to me. I’m not sure why…I feel like I’ve both reached a plateau and am facing a serious incline in the learning curve. At the same time, I can see that I’m really making progress. I KNOW I’m making progress, but I can’t accept that that’s the reality.

Does that make sense?

I dunno. I have a lot of good excuses: social anxiety, bipolar, perfectionism, but at the end of the day, they’re all excuses.

I need to find a way to fight past that. I HAVE to find a way to fight past that.

The clock is ticking and I don’t have any more time to waste…

Filed under: Culture, Language, My Experiences, Education

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